Yes, I bought everything blue for my son. None of his clothes ever had a hint of pink or purple or even a lace on it. I never found a pink coloured shoe pair, socks with laces or a shirt with hearts printed in the boy’s section. Finding a Barbie there was out of the question. Whereas the girls' section had pink spilling over from all counters; clothes, shoes, stationery, toys. Most of the toys were even packed in pink cardboard boxes. Having said this, I never actually told my son that, “Pink is for girls and blue for boys”
Yet, one day while hunting for a gift for my son's classmate, a girl, I spent just an extra minute looking at the toy cars. And there it came,” No! Ma, we cannot buy a car for her! Girls like dolls! I want to give her a pink one”. I was surprised to hear this from my son with whom I never had discussed all this. Where this knowledge about cars did are not meant for girls come from? Who told him? Did I ever utter something which made him think so or was it someone else who discouraged him when he picked something pink earlier?
I had never given this much thought earlier. Now when I look at my childhood photos, I realize my parents never really followed this colour code. Nor did my uncles and aunts. Me, my cousins even my friends were dressed in all possible colours. My brother is seen wearing a hat with lace and my cousin sister is holding a car in her hand in one of the old photographs.
If I look around now, however, it has all changed. A little boy holding a Barbie would be stared at and girls are never gifted cars, robot toys but only dolls, kitchen sets and DIY jewellery kits.
It didn’t matter earlier, but now I realize how my choices are influencing my kids. My heart sinks every time my son reminds me to buy a blue kinder joy chocolate egg and not a pink one. As parents, do we really have a choice? I can only imagine the disbelief and disappointment if I would ever try and give my son a pink one.
I always ask my son and husband to help around in the house, hoping I am bringing equality into practice. However, it’s a long way to go before I can actually show my son the same happening in the neighbouring houses or even in my own extended family. The bar is set so low for men that it is a big deal if they manage to cook dal rice or do a load of laundry in the washing machine. Whereas the girls need to be master chefs, all the housework they do goes unappreciated and their career ambitions are kept under check right from childhood.
Honestly, I feel our parents and grandparents had the roles and responsibilities sorted. These days we all preach equality while we are still struggling to truly understand it ourselves and bring it into our own houses.
Women can work, yes, but only if the household is running smoothly. Breakfast, lunch, dinner should be ready, children should be looked after, their studies and extracurricular activities should be taken care of, and the husbands’ schedule should not be disturbed. If everything is handled well then yes, please go pursue your career. This is the reality that the mothers face. They are so exhausted with this double shift that they let go of one job, the one outside the house.
It is only after we get it right ourselves and change that we can truly teach our kids gender equality. It is something that they will learn from the community, not from the parents alone.
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