4 The Gadget Gurus

I stood at the door impatiently as an old neighbour went on with her story about her grandson. The one who is just 3 years old but manages to unlock her phone with pattern lock, the smart one who knows which is the TV remote and brings it to her every time she asks for it and the little genius who opens YouTube on his mother’s iPad without any help to watch cartoons and yet is not ‘addicted’ to gadgets like my kids.

“Yes, Aunty! (I got your point) ” I replied.

“It is not good for them dear. They are adorable kids. See, they haven’t troubled you at all in the past one hour while we were talking” she said, probably to make me feel better.

I managed to smile thinking if I should tell her that the silence was only possible because I gave them each a phone and a tablet and pushed them in their room along with a steady supply of junk food. However, I did not disclose this secret to her thinking I should save her junk food lecture for her next visit.

As I closed the door I went from “mummy in front of others” to “mummy alone with kids’ avatar. Within seconds I felt like I was at a war. I realized that all the household work was behind schedule and the kids have been with their gadgets for long. Mothers are always in a hurry. They always have worked lined up and keep jumping from one task to another. They happen to always ‘see’ the pending work which is invisible to others in the house. Just I was about to start with the mission a selfish thought came to my mind. How about I let the kids watch a little longer while I finish the pending work. I knew, once the screens were off, they were going to be suddenly hungry, needy and clingy. After an intense analysis, I decided to finish work first before I start my negotiations to turn off phones with them. I was ready to live with the guilt that decision brought me. For anyone who would have questioned me, this was survival mechanism. The house needs to survive, the kids need to survive and most importantly my sanity needs to survive.

I was done quickly, sooner than I imagined and thought to myself, how about I have coffee in peace for a change and then deal with their gadgets? But mothers’ needs are never a priority compared to children’s well-being (and the guilt was getting heavy on heart) so I skipped the coffee plan and headed to the kids’ room.

My presence there was of course not acknowledged. I called out their names' number of times in an increasing volume. Finally, I got a reply “What!?”

“Well, you have been watching for long so it’s time to turn your phone and tablet off. Let’s finish the homework or go to the park to play.” I said very calmly hoping if I will be in the good books if I gave them an option of choosing between homework and play.

“No”.

“You don’t have a choice then. Give me the phone back. Go and solve some puzzle book or play down in the park”. I commanded this time.

“No”

Well, that didn’t work.  I decided to try bribing. I told the Lil one that she can wear her princess dress the whole day, even while sleeping and she readily agreed.

One down! Yay!

The elder one was about to ask for 5 more minutes when I said it first. Take them by the element of surprise: I read in the book, ‘The 33 strategies of war’.

“You have 5 minutes. Show me what you are doing”

I got a big smile from him and the next moment I started receiving an immense amount of information starting from filters for pictures, PUBG and tips to organize my Apps better so that he can find games easily.  I thought this is probably the most interesting topic to have a long conversation with my kids as for everything else I get a yes or a no.

My thought process was interrupted by his question thrown at me,” Do you know how to make play slime?”

“No, I don’t”

“It’s okay. I know how to find it out”. Within the next few minutes, my son had already listed down what he needs after watching YouTube tutorials on the slime. I was informed that we didn’t have most of the ingredients like borax and food colour at home. I tried to dodge the shopping trip for later when he came up with an immediate solution and gave me back my phone. I saw that he had already selected and added the items in my Amazon cart and he nudged me to initiate the payment. I was amazed and wondered how and when he had picked up on these things.

We finished our on-line shopping and went into the living room. I got comfortable on the bean bag and reached out to my phone again to socialize and let my friends know that I liked what they had for lunch and what they wore. I came across yet another article saying that children should not be given gadgets at all. I wished someone wrote how important it is for parents to introduce them to technology. They needed to know and it was the need of the hour else it would be terribly unfair to them not giving them this exposure. There are amazing documentaries on space, animals, sea world, science on the Internet that my son really enjoys watching and is only adding to his knowledge. Yes, he could learn from books, but the real-life visuals are stunning. They need to know how things like the Internet, smartphones, computers work. There are lovely shows exploring how things are made,taking you inside various factories and every time I watch it with my kids I wish I knew that. Don’t we resort to Google to ask about things we don't know? Do we really open an Encyclopedia every time? I believe in balance. In the allotted screen time, let them decide whether they are going to play games or watch a show. Households without televisions, kids who have never handled gadgets…well, I really think its bit far fetched. As long as you still have the final word on the screen time, and they are actively playing outside or practising some sport and studying of course,  I guess its all good.  I wonder how we would have been without video games, or without those hours spent watching Mahabharat, Shaktimaan or even the lovely Chitrahaar. Would I have been a better person than I am now? I know Shaktimaan didn't do any damage for sure!:)

 I thought of writing my opinion in the comments section of the article but then I let it go thinking every mother knows what is best for her child.

Just then the granny staying on the floor above me rang the doorbell. As I let her in, she started telling me how she misses her grandkids when they were little. She told me that they are now working in big companies and her son and daughter in law were very busy with their jobs too. She seemed a bit restless and I asked her if everything was okay.

She showed me her Nokia phone, the basic model and told me that it fell from her hand and broke. She was very worried that her family must be trying to reach her and she didn’t know to fix her phone. I offered to take a look at it but the task seemed more interesting to my kids who overheard our conversation.

They quickly took it from her hand and declared that it is not a big issue. My son put the battery back in, the back cover in its place and the little one pressed the ‘On’ button. As the welcome tune was played and the screen lit up, so did the granny’s face. She told me how smart my kids were and kept praising their generation for being so good with technology. I tried to tell her that I sometimes feel they might get addicted to it. She smiled and said” Don’t worry. They need to know what’s happening around them in their time. Weren’t you playing video games for long when you were small? I am sure you are controlling the time they spend with the phones. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. It’s all good. I hear you scolding them sometimes and it is needed.”

We talked for a little longer and she left. I felt much better and confident about my parenting style. Her words were comforting. She reminded me that there is no right or wrong parenting style, every house has its own rules. Just like we say every child is unique, why have the same set of parenting rules for everyone? Every mother has a different set of beliefs, strengths and challenges. Why can’t anyone just have faith in the mothers instead of pointing out their flaws? Having said that, mothers need to have faith in themselves first. No mother will let the kids overuse the gadgets, especially as we are aware the ill effects of prolonged use ourselves. 

I turned back to see my son grinning. I realized that he knew, that it was a good time to get all that praise from me and probably tell me “See, I told you, you need to let me have the phone and TV longer.” I decided to shake off the doubt, worry and guilt the topic and celebrate the fact that the kids had probably learned a thing or two from exploring gadgets. So, I asked him if he could show me how to code and build a game like he did a couple of days earlier with his father.

He said excitedly” Of course! I will teach you.”

“Thank you Guruji,” I said smilingly.