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Unlike all other promises that we make, which we tend to bend and break, the promises that we make to our children,(not to them directly! That candy you promised. Forget about it!) …yes so, the promises we make to them especially when they are still in the womb are never broken. We take those early promises, like” I will protect you and take care of you all my life and guard you against all the bad and evil things in the world” very seriously.
Right from day one we wash the babies clothes with disinfectants, scream at anyone who sneezes in the baby’s room, we have hand sanitizers all over the house, we wipe and clean all cupboards, floors every two hours when they start walking, we boil and cool their drinking water, we wash and scrub them every time they come back from the park, we deny them candies, ice creams, roadside food and lock them up in the house if we know there is HFMD going around among school kids. We do everything we can think of and yet the children fall sick. The first time they have a fever, cold and cough we are lost. We run to the doctor, monitor the temperature, keep records of it and pamper the child to the core. Slowly we learn to administer a few basic medicines and dare to wait for 3 days before going to the doctor, we give them a dose of medicine and send them to school anyway. We know when they are really sick and when they are faking it to bunk school. In any case, it is never easy for a mother to see her child getting sick… Our heart bleeds every time they complain of pain, we feel so helpless. We act strong and keep telling them that they’re going to be okay soon but we have this fear ourselves, we hope are pray every minute that it doesn’t get worse. We want our kids up and running ASAP. We leave all the housework aside, take leave from office and sit with them day and night just to keep them company. Nothing and no one is more important at that time. Once they get better, we are relived. The next day we miss the quiet house and start wishing that they sit in one place at least for a minute.
The reverse happens when you are sick, you want to sit down and do nothing, never get out of the bed and you want all the housework and cooking to be taken care of, by someone, by anyone…you want a fairy to come and make all the work disappear, you want her to make your children well behaved and mainly you want her to make it all quiet in the house, you don’t want to hear all that crying and howling. You just want to become invisible to everyone so that no one bothers you, you don’t need anyone to pamper you or look after you, and you just want them to leave you alone. That never happens.
You get out of bed, earlier than usual because you could never sleep in the first place, you cook, you get the kids ready, do all the housework, go to office and work, come back home, work again, and finally crash in bed, late after everyone is fast asleep hoping you get at least that 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
It is not that no one notices that you are sick, children will ask you,” what happened mummy?” and might even be the pretend doctor and give you a fake injection. They will run and get you a glass of water and ask “Are you feeling better now?” You wish that was enough to make you better. You lie and say you are all okay, thanks to the little doctor at home. Your husband will come and hand you a tablet to pop in, will offer to take you to the doctor too, but you know that kids cannot be left alone and you don’t want a family trip to the hospital where you will end up having more trouble keeping them entertained while you wait to see the doctor. You choose to stay at home.
Being a mother gets you a lot of love, but it never gets you the rest you need. On days like this when you just want to lie in bed, the children just choose to be around you all the time. You want them around of course but you want that silence and sleep more which is then a deal-breaker to having their company.
Mothers always carry a lot of guilt, for the tiniest of things. On the days like these when they are unwell, it multiplies and you end up blaming yourself for falling sick as if you are not allowed to do that, you will blame the timing of the sickness, asking yourself why couldn’t it happen after my son’s exams? You will be unhappy about the gravity, a cold would have sufficed, why the fever and cough? With cold I could have managed to do more. You get worried and anxious as if your children are starving, seeing them (happily) eat a simple bread toast which your husband has managed to prepare. You see the laundry piling up and get scared that children will have to run out of clean clothes the next day. That’s not true, you have all those new ones lying around still with the price tag on, remember? Ah, but make sure to ask your husband to get their school uniforms washed and ironed, you don’t have many sets of those, do you? Leave from office is reserved only for children’s sickness, and now when you really are looking and feeling like shit, you will still show up at work. You come back home, help them with their homework, prepare dinner, put them to bed, again swallow a pill and hope that tomorrow you feel better, not for yourself, but because you can’t see the kids suffer eating the food ordered in and late bedtimes. (Which they are actually enjoying, no surprise there).So that is the story, we remain caregivers 24*7, no matter what else changes around us or within us. That is the promise you have made to your child, “I will look after you in (my) sickness and in health too”
